Thomas L. Vaultonburg

Why Write a Book When You Can Fuck a Sylph

2011-12-16T17:59:00.000-08:00

People used to say "I could write a book." People used to say that because in almost every case where someone said that they couldn't write a book. What they were really trying to say is, "I'm an interesting person. I've seen interesting things. My life is special and unique and fascinating."

A secondary implication of the above statement is that books were something special and it wasn't a simple process to write one. Or have one published. A great effort and expense was involved from more than just the person who believed that they were unique and special and fascinating. For the great majority of time that has passed here on planet Earth almost everyone on the surface knew they were neither interesting, unique, or special, and mercifully had no desire to inflict the delusion that they were upon others.

Until recently.

Modern technology has seemingly instilled in virtually everyone on the planet a simultaneous conviction that they indeed can write a book. And in addition to that small feat, are capable of great works of art, towering symphonic composition, and blisteringly insightful social and political commentary. On a lunch break.

The problem is that there are no more or less people capable of these kinds of artistic achievements than there were in 347 BCE, 1187 CE, or 1978. What has changed is the technology that allows them to generate content, then post that content with almost no effort, cost, or technical expertise. Don't know how to paint? Doesn't matter. Not a graphic artist? No problem. Never heard of an offset press? No worries. The technology will now do the work of the work for you. All those nasty distractions that once kept people who were assured of their brilliance despite never having bothered to study the discipline they considered themselves brilliant in, like form, technique, experience, well, those impossibly archaic barriers to exposing your greatness to the world no longer exist.

So, in addition to not being good at your day job at the milk processing plant, you can also not be good at countless other avocations. Filmmaking, graphic design, even poetry. Well, fortunately still no one wants to be a poet, but....

And for the would-be artist who has everything but talent... a blog. Your own world. There are seven interesting blogs in the entire Universe. The trouble is there are a billion blogs in the world. Those other 999, 999,992 blogs are the people who used to say "I could write a book." But now they also say (with a straight face) "I'm an artist, a web designer, a bloggist and in my spare time I knit."

Even as I write I fall prey to one of the points I wanted to make, if only to myself. The generation of content does not an artist make. Artistry does. And it's sadly lacking. The technology is part of the problem. What once was a novel became a blog then a status update on Facebook and is now restricted to 140 characters on Twitter. One of the founders of Surrealism, Andre Breton once wrote something like "Everyone a poet." Little did he know, when finally given the chance, almost no one was a poet, or even wanted to be.

But why write a book when you can fuck a Sylph.

Shingetsu: A Reductionist Poem In Five Linked Haikus

2011-12-15T19:43:00.000-08:00

Five Linked Haikus For Japanese Progressive
Rock Band Shingetsu

I am too wise for
The University, this
Is why I play gong

In the Japanese
Prog rock band, Shingetsu, we
Are wise beyond time

In the Japanese
Prog rock band, Shingetsu, we
All play gong, for

We are all too wise
For the wave, so inland we
Wait with gentle maids

For the wind to braid
Our wisened locks, then all
At once we gong

Reductionism

2011-12-15T19:40:00.000-08:00

Reductionism is what happens when all the good names have been take. Even Reductionsim is taken. After five thousand years of written language almost everything is taken. The first opportunity to coin what will later be a cliche, all the good titles, the most choice plots. For instance, I challenge you to concoct the most outrageous, improbable, logic -defying idea for a movie you can think of- I guarantee you this movie has already been made. This is the environment the Reductionist finds himself in. If he finds himself at all. Reductionism probably has few, if any clear precepts, but it seems to me at this moment one of them must be that to toil vainly in an attempt to generate more and more content with less and less hope of it ever denting the shield of originality, the Reductionist simply stop trying. The cause is lost. The current paradigm is to throw as many elements as can be found from disparate sources into a hopper and regurgitate them as if the resulting stew were original. The modern artist has become a culture vulture, obsessed with what was original in the past, but incapable of creating it in the present.

Reductionsm removes the impulse to borrow by acknowledging that all the great art has already been created. With that starting point to illuminate the way, the world's first Reductionist, Thomas L. Vaultonburg, will now set forth the manifesto of Reductionsim in five simple precepts.

Reductionism involves many high-fallutin' precepts. Obliviousness to an audience is the first. Removal of all meaning from the work is the second. Hostility towards technique and convention is the third. Absolute annihilation of the "artist" from the attendant work created is the fourth. Refusal to associate with any other artist who considers themself a Reductionist is the fifth. Reductionism will answer no further questions.

For those unable to tease any meaning or comfort from these precepts, I apologize. Clearly you are not what Reductionism has in mind. Two additional.

Reductionsim proposes to substitute no meaning for meaningless things.

Reductionism flows into the abscess, but not to displace the puss.

A rambling list of further inane utterances would add nothing to this Declaration of Reductionsim. Sign at the bottom so the legions know who was responsible.

Jenna Jameson Sucked a Dog's Dick

2011-06-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

This is Poopsicle #4 is artist Thomas L. Vaultonburg's series of painting titled Poopsicles. This painting is titled Early In Her Porno Career Jenna Jamerson Sucked a Dog's Dick at an Audition

See more Poopsicles, like Oprah Winfrey's Pussy and The Turd That Killed Elvis at Poopsicles

Oprah Winfrey's Pussy

2011-04-29T21:40:00.000-07:00

This is Oprah Winfrey's Pussy. I painted it. I am the only human on the planet who has ever seen it. I paint other things, too. Pussies, toe jam, porn star cocks. Whatever you need. Oprah Winfreys Pussy

Poopsicles

2011-04-23T22:20:00.000-07:00

Recently I started painting. An odd choice for someone who couldn't draw an accurate depiction of a stick figure to save my life. What I can do, however, is come up with insane titles for paintings. The problem, I have learned, with going through the trouble of actually creating a work of "art" just so I can title it is that creation is messy. Acrylic paint is everywhere.

But after a few weeks I accumulated seven canvases I was happy with. Or settled on. So I created a site to showcase them. It's called...

Poopsicle

Tim Stotz

2010-02-08T22:39:00.001-08:00

Tim Stotz.

Roller Girl

2010-02-07T19:01:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite poem I have written.

Roller Girl

You're all elbow
And hip
And heart

A blur and a
Bruise
And a booty
Block into
Love's suicide
Seats.

Castaways, Zombie Tuesday and Screw City Slammers

2006-10-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

Castaways is the home of the Screw City Slammers Roller Derby team www.rockfordrage.comZombie Tuesday returns from the grave Halloween night http://www.myspace.com/castawaysrockfordI am writing a movie based on Zombie Tuesday. It is titled Dead Drunk. http://www.myspace.com/zombielogicMy next book, Flesh Wounds, by Thomas L. Vaultonburg, is due out early in 2007 www.zombielogicpress.com

Castaways, Zombie Tuesday and Screw City Slammers

2006-10-20T20:00:00.000-07:00